How Not To Be A Dick To An Introvert
Remember: It's Not You.
Yes, I know you think it'd be awesome to go out clubbing and maybe hit some bars and have a crazy party night. I don't. I don't think that'd be awesome AT ALL. I, like most introverts, find large social gatherings tiring, and there's got to be a huge payoff (like seeing a favorite band) to make it worthwhile. But it's not because I don't like you! It's not that I don't want to hang out with you! It's just that I don't agree with your idea of “fun” here.
For an introvert, the only thing worse than the anxiety of dealing with people when we don't want to is the anxiety of wondering if our friends are going to get all butthurt about it. It's a cruel decision and we hate being forced to decide between our feelings and yours, because we tend to be very picky about our friends and probably wouldn't be talking to you in the first place if we didn't like you and value your friendship. Don't be offended when your introvert friend doesn't want to hang out. Just don't. It's a million times easier for us to say no when we know you understand.
Don't Call Him. Text or IM Him.
Introverts LOVE the Internet. We can deal with people there on our own terms. I'm far more open and less awkward on the Internet than I am in person because I can take the time to think about what I want to say and how I want to say it. I'm far more likely to babble incoherently and saying something weird and stupid when pressed into real-time conversation. I'm also far more likely to end up being good friends with someone I've met or at least primarily spoken to online because they're less likely to think I'm a gibbering idiot. It's not that we need a buffer from face-to-face conversation, it's a matter of allowing us time to think. And it's much less rude of us to get up and get a fresh cup of coffee in the middle of an online conversation than in a face-to-face one.
Text messages are good for the same reason: They give us time to think about what we want to say before we say it.
Understand That He's Not Good With Last-Minute Plans
Introverts, even those of us who hardly ever plan anything, are much more likely to decline an invitation if it's a last-minute thing. See, even if we don't have plans, they're still our not-plans, and they probably didn't involve much in the way of interpersonal interactions away from the buffer of the Internet.
As I said before, for an introvert large social gatherings are tiring, so we need to be able to prepare. If plans are sprung on us at the last minute we aren't prepared and we'll either know we should decline or we'll go and be miserable the whole time.
Don't Assume He's Depressed
Yes, introverts are less likely to describe themselves as “happy,” but that's not because we're all a bunch of mopers who just want to stay home crying and writing bad emo poetry while we listen to The Smiths. (We only do that sometimes.) Nor is it a sign that we're genuinely clinically depressed.
By nature, introverts are more introspective, so rather than greeting the world with a knee-jerk cheer that everything is rainbows and unicorns, we like to think for a bit about whether everything truly is rainbows and unicorns. And, you know, once you think about it, there's still social injustice and climate change and gross insects, and we're kind of ashamed of how long we've been putting off cleaning our apartment, so maybe we're not really “happy” per se.
Don't Assume He's Becoming a Unabomber or a lonely cat-lover
None of these are about how to make bombs.
Because we're a misunderstood lot, and because the people who make things like movies and 24 news channels are extroverts, there are a lot of introvert stereotypes and they're usually kind of scary. But I promise you that, while I love to think about how great socialism is, I'm not building a bomb.
We're quiet people who like to think things through, but that doesn't mean we're thinking of ways to poison you during awkward pauses in our conversations. Most of us aren't plotting to blow up any buildings, shoot up any schools, or any of the other terrifying things our introversion is seen as a sign of.
Also, cats are great in moderation.
Remember, introverts are people too, and if you have a friend who is one he'll be loyal and relatively drama-free if you can just avoid being a dick to him.
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